Worried to Tears

I saw it coming on the internet. I had wanted to experience one when I was still in Taiwan. I hoped it would not be too bad. Then I heard and read the news.

The typhoon was devastating.

While I was there, I experienced some fringe effects from a couple of tropical storms and typhoons. Wanting to really experience one, I had actually been a little disappointed. Storms are one of my favorite things because they are so exciting, exhilarating. I am such an idiot. Reality can really suck.

Now, I am so worried about Taiwan, I am fighting tears. Mostly because I just heard that YuJin, precious, beautiful YuJin, was hit badly. (That is the city I mentioned in an earlier posting.) Many people still in danger and homeless. Why can't I be there?!? I want to make sure that everyone is okay! I want to hold them and be sure that they are safe.

If I had stayed behind in Taiwan like I had wanted so desperately to, I would probably have been in the south, where the typhoon hit the worst. Was God sending me back here to get me away from the typhoon? I'm not sure. It is a possibility, I suppose.

The reason doesn't matter, though, I think. The simple, annoying fact is that I am here, on the other side of the world. So far away from my beloved YuJin, Taiwan.

WHY?!?! WHY LORD?! YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING! WHY DID YOU SEND ME AWAY!? I WANT TO BE THERE RIGHT NOW! I want to help!! It's not fair that I am all perfectly safe when those whom I have come to love and care deeply for are struggling! Lord, why can't you give me wings to fly back? The eagles wings said that we soar on when we trust in You. Let me go. It became my home, Father . . .

Please, protect my home, Abba. You are King and reign over all. You are strong and mighty, with power to do all things. So, protect them. Please. I beg You . . .

State-Side Once Again

Garn! I had a whole final posting all typed up and ready to publish when my battery died on my laptop . . . grr. Oh, well. I'm not gonna re-type it because there is no way I can remember it all (considering it was two days ago that I wrote it) and I'm feeling kinda lazy (blaming jet lag for that one). I actually slept all day yesterday. Literally. I woke up twice to eat. That's it. Oh, lovely jet lag and lack of sleep! -_- Lol, it did feel pretty good, but now I'm feeling rather groggy...

Well, what can I say? Taiwan is where I felt I belonged. There is a beauty there that cannot be described. I don't know and am tired of guessing what God has in store for me next. I'll figure it out as it goes, I guess. It's annoying but it's how God works, right?

What will I miss? A lot. The great public trans, convenient stores, scooters everywhere, even the heat. Everything is so cheap there, too. The people are so kind and welcoming. The mountains are beautiful. Green and flowery. There are so many trees that flower here. I mean, there. I'm not in Taiwan anymore . . . feels strange.

What won't I miss? Probably the spiritual warfare. That was really strong there and really affected me. And definitely the sqatty-potties. ^_^

Speaking of which, is it weird that I find it weird to be putting the toilet paper in the toilet instead of the trash can? O_o What's also strange is not sticking out anymore. I got used to being stared at. Now, all I see are white people. Odd feeling . . .

Will I go back? God willing. I've already promised a lot of people that I would go back, so I'd better one day! I already miss them. It was really hard to leave. I cried a lot. Fought back the tears even more. Even when I was in the airport in Taoyuan, I wanted to just cry. I didn't want to leave with all my heart. The only things that were keeping me from leaving were God's reminder that I need to finish school and thinking about everyone I get to see back home again. Seeing their smiling faces in my head kept me from just turning around and going back.

Now, I am sitting in my hotel room at 7:30 am, having already been up for about an hour, remembering. At least I was able to make beautiful memories to carry me through until I can see Taiwan again. The people, the mountains, the flowers.

Lord, please allow your unworthy servant to return soon . . .

Until then . . . Taiwan, see you in apple blossoms time.

Where I think I've Left My Heart. . .

Internet access has gone down considerably the last few weeks, ever since I went to Taoyuan. Now, that I've traveled south, it's gotten worse! TT_TT Oh, well...

This I actually wrote a couple of days ago before I could get online. I wrote it the day the first children's camp ended. I didn't read through it the first time I wrote it, so I've edited it once before publishing. Only cause some parts sounded very "Becca no like-y grammar" like. So, anywho... Enjoy! ^_-

Who knew that you can develop such strong bonds in such a short amount of time. After only five short days, love and friendship can grow and nurture to fullness. Then, when the time of separation comes, it is so painful.

Here in the country side outside Tainan, I have fallen in love with the people I’ve met: the group leaders and helpers and the church members and the campers, all of them. I cried today like I haven’t cried in a long time. I have never NOT wanted to part from people this much. Ever. The people are beautiful, sweet, funny, a joy. I cannot express it at all. Even now, as I write this, I can see their faces. Their eyes, smiles, tears. Hear their voices, laughter, squeals. From the youngest camper to the adults. Through age gaps, language barriers, and a short time frame, I came to love them so much that I don’t want to be apart from them.

Weird, huh.

Here I am, Little Miss Bubbles-and-Laughter, who bounces back from stuff and can go anywhere, meet anyone, love many things and people, yet feel no painful ache at separation. Oh, I do miss home, family, friends, familiarity. So, don’t get me wrong. I’m not shallow in my relationships. At least, I try not to be. But something pulled my heart here like never before. Here in Tainan's mango farmland. Sure, it’s not Taipei with its stunning Taipei 101 and lights and colors and beauty. It’s not Danshui with its convenient MRT and comfortable night market and river walk. It’s not Taoyuan with its green parks and hard-working YWAMers and stinky tofu guys (another story for another time…^_^). But here where it’s hotter and more humid, less convenient and little public transportation, Taiwan country life. Here, I never wanted to leave the people I met. The children grew and opened up. How I wish I could be there to watch them grow more and mature, become strong, beautiful men and women of God who are bold and full of true joy. The helpers also grew and opened up. The change was incredible. Some made the decision to truly follow Christ. I wish I could be here to help them see that God is the only one worth serving and following. Not popularity, not peer pressure, not idols, not pleasures of the world. Only God. I want to show the girls that God is not only Father, but Prince, Husband, Lover, and Companion. Their Creator who thinks – no, KNOWS that they’re beautiful, spiritually and physically. I want to help the guys see that they can be strong like David, son of Jesse, in the lineage of Christ, and follow after God’s heart, be a mighty warrior who fights against the history’s most powerful enemy, Satan. That they all – guys and girls – will have the passion and fire of the Holy Spirit overflowing them to flood stage so that not one part of them that is of the world - that chases after things that perish and that leave a blackness in their very beings - is left for them to trip and fall over. And those who have still to make a decision to accept Christ, I want to stay there and help them to see how beautiful God is and how much love He has and how much joy people have once they accept His gift to restore the relationship between us and God.

*Exhale*

So . . .

Is this where Christ is leading me? I don’t know. I was reminded today during a time of prayer - after I said my very tearful/sob-ful goodbye’s - of the song “Step by Step” by Rich Mullens. I won’t put all of the lyrics up now – you guys can look it up yourself. But the part that hit me the most was when the song goes:

“And step by step you’ll lead me
And I will follow you all of my days.”

Step by step. God leads step by step. What is my next step? I’m really not sure. I was pretty sure He was leading me to Taipei. I fell in love with that city almost immediately. But, there’s something about the people I met here. The slower pace of life . . .

I don’t know. I’ve decided not to guess too far. Who knows where God will lead me next. For now, I should just see what the next step is and do my best to try to prepare for the future, whatever it is. It’s so hard to prepare for what you don’t know is coming. But that’s life, isn’t it? No one ever knows. Except God. Duh. Di di-di. And He wants us to rely on Him alone. So, I will. Or at least I’ll try.

Next step: English camp #2! I suppose I shall see what God does there and where He leads after.

That's what I wrote the day the last camp ended. We just finished our first day of the 2nd camp and boy am I exhausted! It's definitely a different feeling. A little less jovial and more hectic. I don't know. It's hard to explain. Is it bad that I wanna go back to the other camp? -_-' Oh, well. Must not compare. Just press on and do the work given me.

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/

Nearing the end of Part I

My time in Danshui/Taipei is almost over. I really have mixed feelings. Taoyuan is where I really want to do ministry during my stay here. The past two Tuesdays I've been able to go to Taoyuan and work at the Girl's Center. It was marvelous! The ministry there is so amazing and great work was being done. I'm also excited to meet and work with the people there in Taoyuan - you all know how I love meeting new people and developing new bonds. However, Danshui is kind of my first love of Taiwan. It is the first place I've come to, holds the first people I met here, and where I first started to feel comfortable. Not to mention it is sooo close to Taipei and awesome night markets. Thus, I am in a bit of a tizzy. Should I be glad my time here is ending? Not sure yet. I'll let you know after I'm in Taoyuan for a while! ^_^

I suppose I should update on the things I've been doing. Well, I've mostly done a little bit of this, a little bit of that (a pot, a pan, a broom, a hat...^_-). I've gone to the hospital to pray with and over some of the patients. This was really great. I was able to see what hospitals were like here (old but the care is really good - i.e. I wouldn't mind being admitted here!) and, not to mention, the blessing it was to pray with some of the people. I've gone to a convelescent (elderly people's) home here where I gave back rubs to some of the women. It was really enjoyable. It was just frustrating when I wanted to talk to them but couldn't! Oh, how I wish I could have conversed with some of the elderly and listen to some stories! And of course, almost everynight I have gone to the Rock Cafe to talk to the people who come in. Basically hang out and share Christ's love! Oh, so great! >_< The past couple of weeks I have sat in on the DTS class here. Oh. My. Word. God talked to me and taught me so much during these short two weeks! It was incredible. I have decided to do a DTS when I'm done with school. Whether I should wait until after I've paid off my loans or not is still up in the air. Where I will attend is also in question. I'm thinking of a few different locations. The Taoyuan base, Danshui base, Hong Kong base, or any other base that might offer the performing arts as a DTS. So, basically I'm deciding on whether God wants me to do a DTS in Taiwan or if I should do a performing arts DTS and if so, where. I'm trying really hard to listen to God about this. But I keep getting the same answer: not yet. Grr. I hate that one. Most people who know me know that, while I am an easy-going person, I am very impatient. I hate waiting. T_T Yet, I know God is trying to teach me a thing or two during this time. One thing is that when God first gave me the call to Asia, I stopped trusting in Him. I knew the direction and everything. I was basically set. Not really depending on God for direction. Now, He is trying to teach me that I must trust in Him. The future is in His hands and I need to be patient and wait for His direction. I don't need to know everything right now. If I did, I would not longer be relying on and trusting Him. *sigh* If only lessons could be learned a little easier... Another thing I'm learning is that I am still young - no need to rush. Kind of like the song "Vienna" by Billy Joel.

Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,...
Too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right. you're right

You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get half through
Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Okay, so maybe not all of the lyrics are exactly right for my situation, but you get the picture. I'M ONLY 21!!!! I have time to think, wait for God's timing and direction, and still do God's work. I just have to be willing to go when He calls. Like Isaiah when he said, "Here I am, Lord. Send me!" Or Gladys Aylward who was willing even when those around her said "You aren't qualified." Just following, no matter the cost, even if it sounds foolish and wrong. If God says to go, I must go. In His timing. *exhale* Oh, the lessons we learn! ^_^

I think that's enough for one entry. I'll try to do one more before I leave Danshui. That only gives me three days, though, because I'm leaving on Monday afternoon/evening. *tear* T_T

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/

Going on two weeks...

I am now in my second week in Danshui, Taiwan. It is currently down pouring, a beautiful site! I love the rain. It's like God is cleaning everything again, from the air to the dirt.

My apartment I'm living in is quite cool during the day. So far it has yet to get unbearably hot...yet...My roomies are a-mazing! There are two other Rebecca/Rebekah's here, too. It makes things very interesting. Quite hilarious, actually. We try to all go by different nicknames, but it sometimes ends in an epic failure. We also spend quite a lot of time together, which has been wonderful so far. I really do love living with all four of the girls here (Rebecca, Rebekah, Mayi, and Ruth). They are all passionate about their relationship with their Lord, motivating me in mine. And on top of that, they are all just plain awesome!!

The Dragon Boat Festival was last weekend. I didn't see any of the bloodiness (many pierce their faces to appease the gods), but I have heard from staff that it can get bad. What I saw was actually quite happy and beautiful. There were a lot of fireworks (I have posted a video of some of the fireworks), firecrackers, parades, etc. Yet, it was a huge realization for me about how lost the people of Taiwan are. I couldn't help but feel immense sadness when I would see people participate in the festival. They didn't have to do that! If only they knew the only One worth serving! How much more beautiful would the festival be if they directed it toward Him! No more appeasing or sacrificing. Simply worship and adoration. As I watched the parades, listened to the drums, watched the fireworks, I imagined what it would be like if these were for worshipping God. It made me want to cry.

I have joined a few different ministries here last week. The convalescent home, hospital, worship times, prayer, The Rock Cafe, etc. It has made for a very busy time. But at the same time, I feel very relaxed. Maybe it's because I don't have every single moment of the day scheduled that I feel so at ease. When classes are in session, I am so busy with everything that I often find it hard to spend time abiding. I feel like I have to cram as much as I can in the day. Almost as if I can become a better person, better christian by putting way too much stuff on my plate. If I learn nothing else from this trip, at least I learned that it really is okay to take time to abide and be quiet.

During my trip to Taiwan, I was hoping that God would talk to me about what He wanted me to do with my life and how He wanted me to do it. However, everything is fuzzy once again. What I thought I knew, I lost. The only things I feel certain about are these: God is wonderful and He wants me to stay in Taiwan (after I finish my degree, of course). But there's still most of my trip left. Perhaps He will speak to me still.

That leads to another thing: I LOVE TAIWAN!!!! I really do. It is so comfortable here, the people are inviting, and there is such a need. (No, not that I love the need, but I feel like I can/should do something here...) I went to Taipei a couple of days ago and fell in love with the city. Yes, yes, Danshui is considered part of Taipei, but I fell in love with the actual city city. It was so beautiful, I almost cried. I wanted (and kinda did) to dance down the streets. I just couldn't get over how utterly beautiful it all was. I didn't want to leave. Ever.

Well, that's about all for now, peeps! I'll try to keep up a little better with posting here...But, alas, being the procrastinator that I am, twill probably end in failure. Epic failure. ^_^

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
\(^_^)/

I'M IN TAIWAN!!!!

Yup! I finally made it!

And because I'm feeling lazy, I'm just gonna post here the update I sent over facebook. It basically says what I would say here anyway...

So, here it is:

well, as you can tell, i'm finally in taiwan!!!!

i'm still a little tired from jetlag, but surviving.

funny story: had quite an ordeal when i went through customs. first they thought i had swine flu. O_o then i didn't know the address of the apt i'm staying at (which i needed to be let in the country), so we had to get that whole thing straightened out TT_TT....which took a while...so, grrr! lol, at least it's over and i was able to get into the country ^_^

well, it is warm but not horrible. quite humid, but livable. at least so far ^_^ i'm actually enjoying the change from mi's coldness...

the apt is comfortable. no a/c, but fairly cool due to a tile floor and a nice breeze. there is a cat, too! she's friendly and kinda reminds me of a dog at times with how she demands attention and rolls over for you to rub her belly...she also licks your hand for no apparent reason...lol

there's not much more to report at the moment... had hot pot yesterday (which was a-mazing!) and met some of the people from the base.

keep the people of taiwan and those at the base in your prayers. there is a huge festival this weekend that gets really crazy. people self mutilate and it can be dangerous...

That's the end for now, folks! I'll probably be updating this more often than my facebook group as this is an optional update that people won't get in their facebook inbox.

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/

Serious need of an update...lol...I fail at blogging TT_TT

I realized how long it's been since I updated...shameful!!! Lol, oh, well. I guess I'm just not too good at this game...

Anywho, a lot has happened since the last entry. Well, not really a LOT. There are really only two things of "blogging note."

The first thing feels very old shoe and trivial so I'll try to make it real quick-y, quick-y. I am finally happily single. I know, I know I've said this before. But, in the past, there was always this lingering stab, loneliness, longing, what have you. I cared about it. Recently, I found out that a couple of people might be interested in me. At first I was flattered, excited, nervous, etc. You know, the usual girl stuff. Then, I got curious. Who is it??? I wanna know! Why weren't they doing anything? Not that I really wanted a relationship after the drama of last semester, but I was more or less curious. Well, as quickly as that became (mostly potential) drama for me, the excitement/curiosity/etc. died. I really don't care anymore who MIGHT like me or whatever. I am "off the market." No attachments and none wanted. I don't want romance and not in the "not wanting" as when I gave up. No, this is far more of a satisfaction and joy with singleness rather than a resignation. The freedom and carefree feeling of being completely unattached is marvelous! No complications. Nada. Nothing. I feel like I can finally and am finally finding completeness in God and God alone. In His romance towards me. I can finally fall in love with my real Prince. And He's not just any prince. He's literally perfect and even gave up Himself so I could be with Him forever. Forever and ever. A REAL happily ever after.

Okay, okay la! So that wasn't short. You all know I babble!! >_<

So, the real update is this: I AM GOING TO TAIWAN!!!!!!! Yea! I can't wait! My trip will be from May 23rd to July 23rd. 60 days actually in Taiwan, first Taipei, then Taoyuan. God has been way too good to a silly girl, total screw up like me! It is a bit scary - okay, a lot scary - but, I really hope that God will use me, keep my heart/motives pure, and keep me safe from physical and spiritual harm. Please keep me in your prayers! Life is just too crazy and God too wonderful, dui bu dui ("right")? ^_-

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/

Application...Exciting Scariness!!!!

I worked on my YWAM Taiwan application with my parents today. It was fun spending time with my family and I am so grateful that they helped me with the application. I hate filling them out and get confused very easily over some stuff. Okay, okay, over a lot of stuff! >_<
But it was so much fun and so exciting to finally fill it out!!!!! I'm getting so syked for this summer. I'm also quite nervous, though...This is a major step for me. This trip will help determine quite a lot for me. Answer a lot of questions. Satisfy many doubts. So, I am feeling this very weird combination of excitement and anxiety.

There are many ministries that I would like to help with this summer. Kind of like trying on different hats. I know that I am feeling called to work with girls who were once child prostitutes, but there are other things the YWAM base does there that get me really, really excited. They have two ministries where I'd be able to use my nursing skills and one called Dare to be Different, which educates, supports, and aids women in the area with their sexuality, pregnancy, abortions, etc. You can check out their website that will be better at explaining their amazingness than I ever will be able to. http://www.ywamtaoyuan.com/ywam_en/ywam_taoyuan/YWAM_Taoyuan/Home_.html Check 'em out, yo! ^_-

So, yeah. Bottom-line: I can't wait to find out if I can go this summer and if I am going...then I just can't wait for this summer!!!! ^_^

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/

Beautiful and Bitter Farewell

So...

Oh, the irony of that word! Many things have begun, sprouted from those two simple letters.

Banzai for being cryptic.

I'm not even going to try to express myself in a coherent manner right now, so I'm going to be more scatter-brained than usual. Please bear with me.

Anywho, just wanted to say that I am amazingly content now. The whole romance mess from last semester is officially over. It ended late Tuesday night. Or early Wednesday morning. Which ever you'd prefer to consider. I cannot even describe the utter happiness, peace that I feel right now. I feel as though I can prepare and go forward into my future without disillusionment or doubt.

In the past when I've cried over what life has sent my way, I would come out of it bleeding, a mess, tangled, holding my wounds, barely stumbling along. This time, I'm walking away with my shoulders straight, head high, tears brimming, and a smile on my face. A beautiful, bittersweet ending. Saying "sayonara" with a smile that teases the tears. No regrets. It ended too beautifully for me to regret even a single moment.

"What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be.
Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy.
I use these words pretty loosely.
There's so much more to life than words.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear.
Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there,
Dance without me, you dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be okay.
They've taken a toll, these latter days.

Nothing like sleeping on a bed of nails.
Nothing much here but our broken dream.
Oh, but baby, if all else fails,
Nothing is ever quite what it seems.
And I'm dying inside to leave you with more than just cliches.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear.
Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there,
Dance without me, you dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be okay.
They've taken their toll, these latter days.
They've taken their toll, these latter days.

Tell them it's real,
Tell them it's really real.
I just don't have much left to say.
They've taken their toll, these latter days.
They've taken their toll, these latter days."
~Over the Rhine

Walk with the King and be a Blessing.

Progress Report, Just in Time for the New Snow Here at Home

Well, break is practically over, Christmas and New Year past, classes about to start. I'm delaying packing for tomorrow at the moment.

Not that I have much packing to do.

I don't know who all reads these, but for those of you who do, thanks for putting up with me! I "lurv" you all! ^_^

I came home for the holidays, wanting to get away from a lot of stuff. It was great. Hanging out with people that I love, making some moolah (or however you'd spell it), resting. Not as much God time as I would have liked/I should have done. The story of my life. I was definitely able to get over a lot and think through stuff. I'm still the idiot I always have been and very childish, but I'm starting to understand myself better. I feel better, too, overall. More stable, I guess. Maybe I've just decided to kick my stubborn side into gear and not give into it all anymore. I only hope it takes/sticks. The test is yet to come. Really soon, too.

Okay. Done being cryptic.

There has always been a part of me (a very large part) that has not been satisfied with the daily tasks I have be assigned. The best example is in my clinicals. I don't really like med surg. In fact, I don't think I'll ever really want to work on that floor of a hospital. It's too routine or somthing. Vitals, shift assessment, history check, etc. I get bored and don't really like it. I don't like getting a new patient every week. Not that I don't like meeting people. Anyone who knows me knows that I love meeting people. But when it comes to this, a long-term lifestyle of meeting people for short periods of time wears on me. I prefer getting to know someone for a long time. That is more of a relationship to me. I have even wondered if I am in the right major because I am unsatisfied with how it is going so far. I don't feel the spark, the drive, the passion. The only thing I have felt that for is ministry in Taiwan.

Oh, Taiwan. I really hope I can go this summer. I got the application (at last!) and am excited about filling it out and sending it in. I cannot even describe the excitement that I have about this. I hope that God will show me that I belong there, even though my chinese sucks.

It has become more and more clear over the break that I need to focus on preparing for my future, especially if it is in Taiwan. I am just so much happier, so much more satisfied when I focus on God and His plan for me. It is indescribable. (Love that song, by the way..."Indescribable," that is.)

Part of the preparation is to become a Proverbs 31 woman. But, I can't become exactly like her, right? I mean, she is a business woman, wife, mother, care-provider, and the list goes on. I could never be a business woman, I'm definitely not a wife nor a mother. I suppose I am a care-provider in training. So, what does it all mean for a college student like me? The hopeless-oldfashioned-mexican-romantic, procastinator, social-butterfly, scatter-brained, ballroom-dancing me? Really? It's a difficult one to figure out, but I'm kinda having fun discovering it all. What does it mean to be a real woman of God? A woman, period? Especially in today's society. Anywho, I guess I'm just curious to see who I'm becoming.

After all I've experienced (more compared to some, less compared to more), I am trying to keep a few things about myself true. Keep away bitterness, anger, and distrust. Keep inside bubbliness, carefree attitude, and laughter that overflows much too often. How am I doing? I suppose it would depend on the day. Or week. Or month. Hehehe!

Now, as for the romantic aspect in my life, I suppose I should address it, considering all the drama from last semester. Well, I think/hope I'm pretty much back to where I was at the beginning of last semester: Nothing/No one on the horizon. Content with myself. Hoping for something, expecting nothing, understanding I'm not the kind of girl who gets pursued. Maybe eventually. But probably not for a long time. Seen more like sister by the guys around me, rather than dating material. And I'm pretty much okay with that. A little sad, yes. I wouldn't say I'm lonely. It's more like I know what it feels like and miss that sense of belonging. It is especially difficult for me to understand how God fills this part of my life because my love language is touch. (Hugs are my favorite, by the way!!) But, I'm getting better at it.

So, bottom-line: I am just happy that romance exists in the world and am content with learning how to let God pursue and mold me.

Keep in mind, though. This is me I'm talking about. I am like the wind, changing often. Who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll be a mess again! Good thing God is constant and loves me anyway, all the time, no matter what. I just need to remember to run to Him when my heart hurts. He is the only one who can actually stroke my velcro, curly hair.

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/