Where I think I've Left My Heart. . .

Internet access has gone down considerably the last few weeks, ever since I went to Taoyuan. Now, that I've traveled south, it's gotten worse! TT_TT Oh, well...

This I actually wrote a couple of days ago before I could get online. I wrote it the day the first children's camp ended. I didn't read through it the first time I wrote it, so I've edited it once before publishing. Only cause some parts sounded very "Becca no like-y grammar" like. So, anywho... Enjoy! ^_-

Who knew that you can develop such strong bonds in such a short amount of time. After only five short days, love and friendship can grow and nurture to fullness. Then, when the time of separation comes, it is so painful.

Here in the country side outside Tainan, I have fallen in love with the people I’ve met: the group leaders and helpers and the church members and the campers, all of them. I cried today like I haven’t cried in a long time. I have never NOT wanted to part from people this much. Ever. The people are beautiful, sweet, funny, a joy. I cannot express it at all. Even now, as I write this, I can see their faces. Their eyes, smiles, tears. Hear their voices, laughter, squeals. From the youngest camper to the adults. Through age gaps, language barriers, and a short time frame, I came to love them so much that I don’t want to be apart from them.

Weird, huh.

Here I am, Little Miss Bubbles-and-Laughter, who bounces back from stuff and can go anywhere, meet anyone, love many things and people, yet feel no painful ache at separation. Oh, I do miss home, family, friends, familiarity. So, don’t get me wrong. I’m not shallow in my relationships. At least, I try not to be. But something pulled my heart here like never before. Here in Tainan's mango farmland. Sure, it’s not Taipei with its stunning Taipei 101 and lights and colors and beauty. It’s not Danshui with its convenient MRT and comfortable night market and river walk. It’s not Taoyuan with its green parks and hard-working YWAMers and stinky tofu guys (another story for another time…^_^). But here where it’s hotter and more humid, less convenient and little public transportation, Taiwan country life. Here, I never wanted to leave the people I met. The children grew and opened up. How I wish I could be there to watch them grow more and mature, become strong, beautiful men and women of God who are bold and full of true joy. The helpers also grew and opened up. The change was incredible. Some made the decision to truly follow Christ. I wish I could be here to help them see that God is the only one worth serving and following. Not popularity, not peer pressure, not idols, not pleasures of the world. Only God. I want to show the girls that God is not only Father, but Prince, Husband, Lover, and Companion. Their Creator who thinks – no, KNOWS that they’re beautiful, spiritually and physically. I want to help the guys see that they can be strong like David, son of Jesse, in the lineage of Christ, and follow after God’s heart, be a mighty warrior who fights against the history’s most powerful enemy, Satan. That they all – guys and girls – will have the passion and fire of the Holy Spirit overflowing them to flood stage so that not one part of them that is of the world - that chases after things that perish and that leave a blackness in their very beings - is left for them to trip and fall over. And those who have still to make a decision to accept Christ, I want to stay there and help them to see how beautiful God is and how much love He has and how much joy people have once they accept His gift to restore the relationship between us and God.

*Exhale*

So . . .

Is this where Christ is leading me? I don’t know. I was reminded today during a time of prayer - after I said my very tearful/sob-ful goodbye’s - of the song “Step by Step” by Rich Mullens. I won’t put all of the lyrics up now – you guys can look it up yourself. But the part that hit me the most was when the song goes:

“And step by step you’ll lead me
And I will follow you all of my days.”

Step by step. God leads step by step. What is my next step? I’m really not sure. I was pretty sure He was leading me to Taipei. I fell in love with that city almost immediately. But, there’s something about the people I met here. The slower pace of life . . .

I don’t know. I’ve decided not to guess too far. Who knows where God will lead me next. For now, I should just see what the next step is and do my best to try to prepare for the future, whatever it is. It’s so hard to prepare for what you don’t know is coming. But that’s life, isn’t it? No one ever knows. Except God. Duh. Di di-di. And He wants us to rely on Him alone. So, I will. Or at least I’ll try.

Next step: English camp #2! I suppose I shall see what God does there and where He leads after.

That's what I wrote the day the last camp ended. We just finished our first day of the 2nd camp and boy am I exhausted! It's definitely a different feeling. A little less jovial and more hectic. I don't know. It's hard to explain. Is it bad that I wanna go back to the other camp? -_-' Oh, well. Must not compare. Just press on and do the work given me.

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/