Progress Report, Just in Time for the New Snow Here at Home

Well, break is practically over, Christmas and New Year past, classes about to start. I'm delaying packing for tomorrow at the moment.

Not that I have much packing to do.

I don't know who all reads these, but for those of you who do, thanks for putting up with me! I "lurv" you all! ^_^

I came home for the holidays, wanting to get away from a lot of stuff. It was great. Hanging out with people that I love, making some moolah (or however you'd spell it), resting. Not as much God time as I would have liked/I should have done. The story of my life. I was definitely able to get over a lot and think through stuff. I'm still the idiot I always have been and very childish, but I'm starting to understand myself better. I feel better, too, overall. More stable, I guess. Maybe I've just decided to kick my stubborn side into gear and not give into it all anymore. I only hope it takes/sticks. The test is yet to come. Really soon, too.

Okay. Done being cryptic.

There has always been a part of me (a very large part) that has not been satisfied with the daily tasks I have be assigned. The best example is in my clinicals. I don't really like med surg. In fact, I don't think I'll ever really want to work on that floor of a hospital. It's too routine or somthing. Vitals, shift assessment, history check, etc. I get bored and don't really like it. I don't like getting a new patient every week. Not that I don't like meeting people. Anyone who knows me knows that I love meeting people. But when it comes to this, a long-term lifestyle of meeting people for short periods of time wears on me. I prefer getting to know someone for a long time. That is more of a relationship to me. I have even wondered if I am in the right major because I am unsatisfied with how it is going so far. I don't feel the spark, the drive, the passion. The only thing I have felt that for is ministry in Taiwan.

Oh, Taiwan. I really hope I can go this summer. I got the application (at last!) and am excited about filling it out and sending it in. I cannot even describe the excitement that I have about this. I hope that God will show me that I belong there, even though my chinese sucks.

It has become more and more clear over the break that I need to focus on preparing for my future, especially if it is in Taiwan. I am just so much happier, so much more satisfied when I focus on God and His plan for me. It is indescribable. (Love that song, by the way..."Indescribable," that is.)

Part of the preparation is to become a Proverbs 31 woman. But, I can't become exactly like her, right? I mean, she is a business woman, wife, mother, care-provider, and the list goes on. I could never be a business woman, I'm definitely not a wife nor a mother. I suppose I am a care-provider in training. So, what does it all mean for a college student like me? The hopeless-oldfashioned-mexican-romantic, procastinator, social-butterfly, scatter-brained, ballroom-dancing me? Really? It's a difficult one to figure out, but I'm kinda having fun discovering it all. What does it mean to be a real woman of God? A woman, period? Especially in today's society. Anywho, I guess I'm just curious to see who I'm becoming.

After all I've experienced (more compared to some, less compared to more), I am trying to keep a few things about myself true. Keep away bitterness, anger, and distrust. Keep inside bubbliness, carefree attitude, and laughter that overflows much too often. How am I doing? I suppose it would depend on the day. Or week. Or month. Hehehe!

Now, as for the romantic aspect in my life, I suppose I should address it, considering all the drama from last semester. Well, I think/hope I'm pretty much back to where I was at the beginning of last semester: Nothing/No one on the horizon. Content with myself. Hoping for something, expecting nothing, understanding I'm not the kind of girl who gets pursued. Maybe eventually. But probably not for a long time. Seen more like sister by the guys around me, rather than dating material. And I'm pretty much okay with that. A little sad, yes. I wouldn't say I'm lonely. It's more like I know what it feels like and miss that sense of belonging. It is especially difficult for me to understand how God fills this part of my life because my love language is touch. (Hugs are my favorite, by the way!!) But, I'm getting better at it.

So, bottom-line: I am just happy that romance exists in the world and am content with learning how to let God pursue and mold me.

Keep in mind, though. This is me I'm talking about. I am like the wind, changing often. Who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll be a mess again! Good thing God is constant and loves me anyway, all the time, no matter what. I just need to remember to run to Him when my heart hurts. He is the only one who can actually stroke my velcro, curly hair.

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/