Application...Exciting Scariness!!!!

I worked on my YWAM Taiwan application with my parents today. It was fun spending time with my family and I am so grateful that they helped me with the application. I hate filling them out and get confused very easily over some stuff. Okay, okay, over a lot of stuff! >_<
But it was so much fun and so exciting to finally fill it out!!!!! I'm getting so syked for this summer. I'm also quite nervous, though...This is a major step for me. This trip will help determine quite a lot for me. Answer a lot of questions. Satisfy many doubts. So, I am feeling this very weird combination of excitement and anxiety.

There are many ministries that I would like to help with this summer. Kind of like trying on different hats. I know that I am feeling called to work with girls who were once child prostitutes, but there are other things the YWAM base does there that get me really, really excited. They have two ministries where I'd be able to use my nursing skills and one called Dare to be Different, which educates, supports, and aids women in the area with their sexuality, pregnancy, abortions, etc. You can check out their website that will be better at explaining their amazingness than I ever will be able to. http://www.ywamtaoyuan.com/ywam_en/ywam_taoyuan/YWAM_Taoyuan/Home_.html Check 'em out, yo! ^_-

So, yeah. Bottom-line: I can't wait to find out if I can go this summer and if I am going...then I just can't wait for this summer!!!! ^_^

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/

Beautiful and Bitter Farewell

So...

Oh, the irony of that word! Many things have begun, sprouted from those two simple letters.

Banzai for being cryptic.

I'm not even going to try to express myself in a coherent manner right now, so I'm going to be more scatter-brained than usual. Please bear with me.

Anywho, just wanted to say that I am amazingly content now. The whole romance mess from last semester is officially over. It ended late Tuesday night. Or early Wednesday morning. Which ever you'd prefer to consider. I cannot even describe the utter happiness, peace that I feel right now. I feel as though I can prepare and go forward into my future without disillusionment or doubt.

In the past when I've cried over what life has sent my way, I would come out of it bleeding, a mess, tangled, holding my wounds, barely stumbling along. This time, I'm walking away with my shoulders straight, head high, tears brimming, and a smile on my face. A beautiful, bittersweet ending. Saying "sayonara" with a smile that teases the tears. No regrets. It ended too beautifully for me to regret even a single moment.

"What a beautiful piece of heartache this has all turned out to be.
Lord knows we've learned the hard way all about healthy apathy.
I use these words pretty loosely.
There's so much more to life than words.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear.
Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there,
Dance without me, you dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be okay.
They've taken a toll, these latter days.

Nothing like sleeping on a bed of nails.
Nothing much here but our broken dream.
Oh, but baby, if all else fails,
Nothing is ever quite what it seems.
And I'm dying inside to leave you with more than just cliches.

There is a me you would not recognize, dear.
Call it the shadow of myself.
And if the music starts before I get there,
Dance without me, you dance so gracefully.
I really think I'll be okay.
They've taken their toll, these latter days.
They've taken their toll, these latter days.

Tell them it's real,
Tell them it's really real.
I just don't have much left to say.
They've taken their toll, these latter days.
They've taken their toll, these latter days."
~Over the Rhine

Walk with the King and be a Blessing.

Progress Report, Just in Time for the New Snow Here at Home

Well, break is practically over, Christmas and New Year past, classes about to start. I'm delaying packing for tomorrow at the moment.

Not that I have much packing to do.

I don't know who all reads these, but for those of you who do, thanks for putting up with me! I "lurv" you all! ^_^

I came home for the holidays, wanting to get away from a lot of stuff. It was great. Hanging out with people that I love, making some moolah (or however you'd spell it), resting. Not as much God time as I would have liked/I should have done. The story of my life. I was definitely able to get over a lot and think through stuff. I'm still the idiot I always have been and very childish, but I'm starting to understand myself better. I feel better, too, overall. More stable, I guess. Maybe I've just decided to kick my stubborn side into gear and not give into it all anymore. I only hope it takes/sticks. The test is yet to come. Really soon, too.

Okay. Done being cryptic.

There has always been a part of me (a very large part) that has not been satisfied with the daily tasks I have be assigned. The best example is in my clinicals. I don't really like med surg. In fact, I don't think I'll ever really want to work on that floor of a hospital. It's too routine or somthing. Vitals, shift assessment, history check, etc. I get bored and don't really like it. I don't like getting a new patient every week. Not that I don't like meeting people. Anyone who knows me knows that I love meeting people. But when it comes to this, a long-term lifestyle of meeting people for short periods of time wears on me. I prefer getting to know someone for a long time. That is more of a relationship to me. I have even wondered if I am in the right major because I am unsatisfied with how it is going so far. I don't feel the spark, the drive, the passion. The only thing I have felt that for is ministry in Taiwan.

Oh, Taiwan. I really hope I can go this summer. I got the application (at last!) and am excited about filling it out and sending it in. I cannot even describe the excitement that I have about this. I hope that God will show me that I belong there, even though my chinese sucks.

It has become more and more clear over the break that I need to focus on preparing for my future, especially if it is in Taiwan. I am just so much happier, so much more satisfied when I focus on God and His plan for me. It is indescribable. (Love that song, by the way..."Indescribable," that is.)

Part of the preparation is to become a Proverbs 31 woman. But, I can't become exactly like her, right? I mean, she is a business woman, wife, mother, care-provider, and the list goes on. I could never be a business woman, I'm definitely not a wife nor a mother. I suppose I am a care-provider in training. So, what does it all mean for a college student like me? The hopeless-oldfashioned-mexican-romantic, procastinator, social-butterfly, scatter-brained, ballroom-dancing me? Really? It's a difficult one to figure out, but I'm kinda having fun discovering it all. What does it mean to be a real woman of God? A woman, period? Especially in today's society. Anywho, I guess I'm just curious to see who I'm becoming.

After all I've experienced (more compared to some, less compared to more), I am trying to keep a few things about myself true. Keep away bitterness, anger, and distrust. Keep inside bubbliness, carefree attitude, and laughter that overflows much too often. How am I doing? I suppose it would depend on the day. Or week. Or month. Hehehe!

Now, as for the romantic aspect in my life, I suppose I should address it, considering all the drama from last semester. Well, I think/hope I'm pretty much back to where I was at the beginning of last semester: Nothing/No one on the horizon. Content with myself. Hoping for something, expecting nothing, understanding I'm not the kind of girl who gets pursued. Maybe eventually. But probably not for a long time. Seen more like sister by the guys around me, rather than dating material. And I'm pretty much okay with that. A little sad, yes. I wouldn't say I'm lonely. It's more like I know what it feels like and miss that sense of belonging. It is especially difficult for me to understand how God fills this part of my life because my love language is touch. (Hugs are my favorite, by the way!!) But, I'm getting better at it.

So, bottom-line: I am just happy that romance exists in the world and am content with learning how to let God pursue and mold me.

Keep in mind, though. This is me I'm talking about. I am like the wind, changing often. Who knows. Maybe tomorrow I'll be a mess again! Good thing God is constant and loves me anyway, all the time, no matter what. I just need to remember to run to Him when my heart hurts. He is the only one who can actually stroke my velcro, curly hair.

Walk with the King and be a Blessing!
(^_^)/